While our paid employees work full days, most of the shop pets are only here part time. The dogs at least, because they get so droopy that they have to work in shifts. Meet the dweebs.
Mia the Mastiff
ABOUT MIA: Mia is a small mastiff, but still definitely a mastiff. So when she oozes into your lap and hugs you/passes the hell out, you feel really, truly loved. Until the next dude walks in the door. She is the biggest cuddlebug of the shop dogs and spends all of her time either on laps on the couch, stalking her mom Amanda, or melted into a puddle in a sunbeam. Unless Larry the mailman shows up, then she’s up in an instant, she fucking LOOOOVES Larry. Because he always has treats. When not being petted, Mia has the tendency to put on a mask of utter despair that only jowly, droopy eyed dogs can. Please don’t let the fact that she is taking up the entire couch make you think she doesn’t want you pretzeled on there with her too. Because she does.
“Pet me or I will literally perish.”
Nuala the Yorkie
ABOUT NUALA: Nuala is a tiny, tiny little Yorkie of Shopkeep Angel, and named after a character from Hellboy. Although she is, we don’t know, 2 inches tall or something and prances around in the front window dainty as can be, don’t let her fool you. She will go full Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog on her special stuffed monkey and her vertical leap is ridiculous – she pops up onto the front desk unassisted all day. In fact, maybe don’t even say the word Monkey around her. She also enjoys doodling her tiny tongue on thumbs while clients are signing their check at the desk.
“…*jingle jingle jingle*…”
Former/Occasional Shop Pets
Oliver & Mabel the Weenies
ABOUT NUALA: In general, the only time you will see these wieners is on what we lovingly call Sausage Party Saturday. These two belong to Amanda’s Mom, but they are such a perfect pair (they’re married, no living in sin for these weenies) that they make for wonderfully compact dual snuggles. One of them looks a lot like Dobby the House Elf from Harry Potter.
“I don’t think you ready for this Bootylicious jelly, fren.”
Viserion the Bearded Dragon
ABOUT VISERION: Viserion is a Bearded Dragon, and he used to live in the shop full time. But a combination of turning into a giant fatty/developing an affinity for pooping on warm dashboards during the short commute means we now keep him at home in his new giant terrarium, where he can attempt to threaten the dog regularly. He knows she is weak. He also enjoys murdering crickets, lounging on branches, snuggling on people like a living brooch, and judging all of your life choices.
“Worship and snuggle me hoomin, for I am fire and death. Fear me and pet me and give me your warmz.”
Edna the Dachshund
ABOUT EDNA: Edna is a Natalie & Tyler’s long-haired dachshund and maybe Spaniel or something, but it’s always hard to tell with shelter pups. She started life with the name Wendy Sue, but is now named after Mrs. Krabappel. She is darling, but a complete dumbass. The worst of the Shop Dogs, really. You will only see her in the shop after she has gotten groomed down the street at the Woof Wash and we can’t take her home for a minute.
“Sorry if I barked at you upon arrival, thought you might be a murderer. Don’t worry, I can feel my dachshund neuroses easing already.”
Grizz the Purple Heeler
ABOUT GRIZZ: Grizz is Blademaiden’s doggy niece, and a much better Shop Dog than her bestest buddy Edna.She doesn’t often come to the shop anymore because she started taking to sleeping in the back office on top of the floor vent, and then why even be a Shop Dog if you won’t hang out in the shop? She is a Purple Heeler (also known as an Australian Cattle Dog), and far softer than she looks. If you see her about on occasion, know that she is made of wiggles and tongue if you want it, and if you don’t, she’s cool with that too.