Young old married lady. Get it done machine. Maybe a gremlin. Definitely a spirit animal.
ABOUT: While we refer to all of the folks who work here as family members and mean it, this is the only one of blood relation. Gwen is Blademaiden’s kid sister, as well as the left half of her brain, but the younger has always been the adult of the two. And if you can’t see the relation, AT ALL, you’re not alone. They do have the same voice though, it’s unnerving.
Gwen is good at a ton of things, having been a teacher in the Chicago Public School system before transitioning into the finance world, which is the most exciting thing she brings to the Beardsgaard party, along with her near obnoxious optimism (unless she’s hangry). On the other hand, she manages to cause minor catastrophes when she decides to be nice and make people food. Just ask the firefighters that were on shift on her first day in the shop.
Despite the fire alarms, Gwen is a very tiny and accidentally sneaky person – depending on her mood she will make noise to let you know she’s there, or scare the crap out of you with glee. Maybe just assume she’s right behind you, just like her dog, Shop Dog Grizz. How you feel about that depends on how you feel about ginger people. And derpy dogs that look like dingos.
FAVORITE THINGS: Breakfast, ice cream every night, things toasted perfectly, snacks… always food. Gwen loves food. Sunny rain, her bike, ‘clean humor’/antijokes (Norm Macdonald’s roast of Bob Saget, or Dimitri Martin), ze bebehs, husband and dog.
FANDOMS: Office supplies, especially the rainbow color coded variety, specific varieties of trash reality TV shows which shall not be enumerated, vintage Simpsons, many varieties of music that have funk/soul involved, and ye gods, fabric.
Outside of the shop, Gwen is a superhero wrangling two children, and will get back to the rest of life once they get into regular nap schedules and are past the phase where they’re small balls of gremlin id.