Young old married lady. Get it done machine. Maybe a gremlin. Definitely a lizard on a rock.
Operations Gaardian • Shopkeep
ABOUT: While we refer to all of the folks who work here as members of the Beardsgaard family, this is the only one of blood relation. Gwen is Blademaiden’s kid sister (if you can’t see the relation, AT ALL, you’re not alone, but they unnervingly have the same voice), as well as the left half of her brain, and the office/operations manager of Beardsgaard. She makes the money and shipments move around Beardsgaard and River Peak Apothecary, and occasionally goes to war with multiple government agencies to get shave brushes released from customs (and wins).
Gwen is good at a ton of things, having been a teacher in the Chicago Public School system before transitioning into the finance world, which is the most exciting thing she brings to the Beardsgaard party, along with her near obnoxious optimism (unless she’s hangry). On the other hand, she manages to cause minor catastrophes when she decides to be nice and make people food. Just ask the firefighters that were on shift on her first day in the shop.
Despite the fire alarms, Gwen is a very tiny and accidentally sneaky person – depending on her mood she will make noise to let you know she’s there, or scare the crap out of you with glee. Maybe just assume she’s right behind you, just like her dog, occasional Shop Dog Grizz. How you feel about that depends on how you feel about ginger people. And derpy dogs that look like dingos.
FAVORITE THINGS: Breakfast, ice cream every night, things toasted perfectly, snacks… always food. Gwen loves food. Sunny rain, her bike, ‘clean humor’/antijokes (Norm Macdonald’s roast of Bob Saget, or Dimitri Martin), ze bebehs, husband and dog.
FANDOMS: Office supplies, especially the rainbow color coded variety, specific varieties of trash reality TV shows which shall not be enumerated, vintage Simpsons, many varieties of music that have funk/soul involved, and ye gods, fabric.