What to gift the bearded wildman in your life this holiday season when that wildman will presumably be staying inside an awful lot again in the next few months?

How about a curated gift pack, starting with a barber-formulated, Batavia-made all natural beard oil, and filled with other well-crafted treasures to make the long night ahead a little brighter?

Here at Beardsgaard, it is holiday tradition for us to build “character profiles,” if you will, with gift guide collections to help you find magical gifts to delight the bearded characters in your life.

Maybe it’s the abundance of Netflix this year, but if you have ever casually wondered how your crew would fare in your favorite dystopian genre flick, then this quiz is the PERFECT way to find the bearded section of that crew the perfect gift this holiday season.

Note: While we cut all sorts of folks around these parts, this year’s boxes are built around beards (gift packs for all, and a whole different quiz, can be found at our sibling shop, River Peak Apothecary). That does not mean, however, you should not take this quiz for the non-bearded children of any gender in your life, we have a character and gift pack just for them too.
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He stalks the fjord-like waterworld of what was once the Great Lakes, fishing the shallows, foraging for the new spring greens, and always in search of high ground with no lights…other people are the greatest threat.

Or that might be him in another timeline. For the next few months he’ll more likely be stalking the trails of the local sparsely populated forest preserves and state parks, looking, despite all odds, for a trail he hasn’t been down before.

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He stalks through the tall dry grasses of what used to be a forest preserve, before the walkers came. He hears a rusting in the treeline and in half a heartbeat his thrown hatchet stops it. Just a squirrel. Another meal, another hide for the winter coat he’s been working on.

Or that might be him in another timeline. For the next few months he’ll more likely be alternating between video games and working out, keeping on top of his grooming in a casual way, and making up for the lack of bonfires with friends with a whiskey scented candle.

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The Eldritch horrors may have laid waste to the major cities, but in this little corner of the world, he flies under the radar. Workshop shelves stacked high with treasures eminently useful and completely useless, one would never know the true hoard is housed down in the bunker.

Or that might be him in another timeline. For the next few months he’ll more likely be failing to stop himself from acquiring an obscene amount of Funko Pops or Magic cards or whatever his deal is, and while bingeing documentaries and horror movies, combing his beard consideringly all the while.

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He built his murder tank within weeks of everything going sideways. In a couple of months he had enough elaborate weaponry for a small army, if he had a small army. Since then, it’s been plans for an indoor potato farm and a Rube Goldberg-esque quest for the perfect coffee brewing method.

Or that might be him in another timeline. For the next few months he’ll more likely be perfecting his chili recipe and dreaming up all his plans for when the world gets moving again. Oh yes, and of course, coffee.

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No school, no one cares if you’re covered in mud all day, you’re learning about knives and what you can eat right out of the ground. Sure, every so often we play scream tag and high stakes hide and seek, but other than that, life has been pretty neat lately.

Or that might be them in another timeline. For the next few months they’ll more likely be lovingly working your very last nerve in some objectively adorable ways. We hope this collection helps.

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