Apocalyptic Beardsgaard Gift Guide: The Barbarian

He stalks through the tall dry grasses of what used to be a forest preserve, before the walkers came. He hears a rusting in the treeline and in half a heartbeat his thrown hatchet stops it. Just a squirrel. Another meal, another hide for the winter coat he’s been working on.

Or that might be him in another timeline. For the next few months he’ll more likely be alternating between video games and working out, keeping on top of his grooming in a casual way, and making up for the lack of bonfires with friends with a whiskey scented candle.

For the rough & tumble, crazed wildling, little rough around the edges fella in your life, this collection is inspired by the barbarians of summer:

1. River Peak Apothecary: Dragonsea Beard Oil • The Apothecary’s spicy, citrusy summer beard oil, made right next door, by us, to keep your beard gloriously beastly.
2. Soap Distillery: Beer + Cigarettes Body Oil • They make it sound gross, but this combo of tobacco leaf, hops and lavender is probably the most aggressively masculine way to moisturize your hide.
3. Southern Roots: Whiskey Candle • It’s a candle. That smells like straight up whiskey. It’s pretty straightforward, much like the giftee.
4. Reuzel: Beard Foam • A cleansing condition and/or leave in that banishes beardruff and odor causing bacteria. This one is just as much for everyone they live with as themselves.

“What’s Their Character” Quiz Results

1. What Apocalypse scenario would they do well in? Zombies
2. What sort of group would they move in? A small and skilled group
3. Where would they set up their headquarters? Costco
4. The apocalypse will likely be occasional fighting for your life, with long stretches of boredom, how do they pass the time? Honing battle skills
5. What are they doing about food? Hunting
6. What’s their biggest annoyance in the apocalypse (besides the obvious, i.e. zombies)? Scurvy because you’re surviving on mostly meat

If that sounds on brand for the object of your gifting, read on. Want to try again? Head on back to the quiz. Not that there are any wrong answers here.

Model: Teague Sweeney, Shopkeep of Beardsgaard
Location: Gunnar Anderson Forest Preserve, Geneva, IL

Just running around in the fields behind the government center where one goes to vote, with a bag of skulls, being totally normal.